Tirfurcation

For a brief moment, three futures are possible.  I stare into the fog of the next few months, and wonder which one it will be.

I could go on being an academic—research, teaching, same-old, same-old; just somewhere else. Somewhere where colleagues are a little more sociable, a little less academically conservative. Hopefully in a more reasonable town, not this place, which is pleasant enough except for the people. This future probably involves international relocation; exciting in a way, but a big transition to make.

Or I could do administration; set teaching and most research aside, maybe temporarily.  I can do that, I don’t think it’s hard. I have ideas, integrity, fairness, compassion; I’d be an awesome department chair. Dealing with deans, other chairs, disgruntled faculty…what’s that like? I’d probably have to control an occasional wish to punch a hole on the wall, or say something highly inappropriate. Dress nicely, be social. It would be different, but that’s good.

Then there’s the government option. That's kind of bureaucratic: write glowing reports, go to staff meetings, be political. I can do that, too. The challenge would be doing a little research on the side, not letting the brain congeal before its time.  It’s decent money (for an academic),  you live somewhere reasonable and never, ever have to deal with students. Lots to be said for this option.

All three are possible right now. I have no control, I’ve done what was needed and all I can do is sit and wait for the call. It’s driving me crazy.

And maybe no call will come. The fog will lift, and instead of three paths I’ll see an impenetrable thicket, to be hacked into with a lot of effort, networking and maybe some pleading. I’ll be stuck in this place for another year, at least.

It’s hard to do anything that deserves being called research with this level of uncertainty, with the question `what for?' so clearly in the background. For the moment all I can do is think about easy expository things, teach my classes, and wait.